Today, I learn about NOW in Vietnam

Dear the people of the world,
There is a story here
It is more than the poverty that we see
It is more than the sweat that we feel
It is more than the polluted air that we breathe

Vietnam,
is comprised of a history of colonization
Made up of a past filled with blood and tears
History built on the backs of those that suffered the tragedy of war
A world, left undisturbed for centuries
Known for the strife beyond their control
A past, filled with attempts of assimilation

The Vietnamese
These are people who have
Lost their freedom to think and create
people who are a part of
A nation of perpetual turbulence
People whose rights have been infringed
and seldom recognized
A society with leaders that invoke fear and hatred
They need Peace,
but the certainty it is so fragile and unstable

Beyond each mother’s eyes
Inside the heart of the Innocence
Past the suffering elderly
In the center of it all
is the beat of a baby's heart

This is a story
One about the endurance and perseverance
One about the wisdom and enlightenment
One about the strength and courage

Years later, the youth still knows their roots
Taught to adapt, but learned to critique
Underneath the silence, is a universal truth
Each soul in Vietnam strive
for the end of the battle
the end of their wars
to see the light of peace

People here have little complaints
But possess stories of challenges
and legends of success
All people here are part
Of a nation that holds on to the very soul of Vietnam

There is a soul of Vietnam
A soul that thrives on loyalty
There is a culture of Vietnam
A culture that's immersed with passion
Vietnam, one nation torn a part for differences
But united with emotions of love
Its streets blossomed with life

It is a nation that is a part of me
Whose heart will always beat in me
Whose sovereign nation's soul I will always feel
A language I am proud to speak
Underneath is a generation that see changes
But grasps onto their identity

It is today in Vietnam that
I am blessed with this experience
I now understand the roots within me
The culture
The language
The history

I am the child of warriors
those who fought the regime
Thus, I am also scarred with a past of hatred
in honor of my kin

the Vietnamese
that left their motherland
and attempted a journey and quest for freedom
I do not forget the breathless bodies in the sea
I do not neglect the memory of the heroes

Instead,
I reminisce about their misery and their anguish
I demand the reverence for the people
who left their home
who was forced to forgo all that they knew
who had to abandoned their Vietnam
and thus, let go a part of their soul
they accepted the fact
they would never again hear their home's heartbeat
all for a new world that promised freedom
their one and only desire

Its time for me to move forward
from the hatred and angst
from a history of a remorse and sorrow
I do not forget
but I reminisce and
Today, I know I am proud to be Vietnamese
Today, I identify with the Vietnamese
Today, I learn about NOW in Vietnam

Maybe... Ill DROP everything...

MY FAVORITE CITY... Budapest, Hungary.















The beauty of absolutely clear water in NP, Croatia.














The Fisherman's Wharf/ Castle in Budapest, Hungary.














The London Bridge... OF COURSE. The CITY IS SO ABSOLUTELY enchanting. The architecture of cathedrals on every other block, the Queen's palace, all reminisce of a history left nearly undisturbed after centuries of wars.















I can spend days taking in the architecture of many cathedrals.
Praha.















Courtyard OF OLD TOWN, Warszava, Poland.

" Maybe... I'll drop Everything"

I LOVE EUROPE.This morning I woke up and I thought to myself..."Self....what makes me happy." And I thought just for a second of the possibility of not returning to UCSB and in fact, continue traveling for the next two quarters. I want to go to Croatia, Italy, Spain, and/ or other countries and become a tour guide or get a temporary job and open my mind to the cultures around me. I realize that in America, I am so used to conforming, to working the system and reaching a standard that I forget my identity. I realize that only because I traveled, I was able to realize that concept. I needed to go outside the bubble of Corporate America to find my identity. In every country that I visited this summer including my extended stay in Hanoi, Vietnam I become aware of a different culture. I would LOVE nothing more than to get out of my expectations and just randomly move to another country and LEARN and EXPERIENCE. I should probably wait another year and a half to divert from my " SUCCESS plan" but... it is so tempting....
















Oh...the TRAFFIC OF VIETNAM.














Oh... THE beauty of Croatia.

Development In Vietnam

MANOR surroundings. " EMPTINESS" is the one word that sums up this community or there lack of. This parking lot says a lot about this community. 1. There is a displacement of walking and public space into parking homes for cars. 2. The community across from the manor at this view consists of people living in shacks and among rubbles. For the Manor? Or Against the Manor?
















VASTNESS. The main towers of the Manor creates a feeling of inferiority among humans while they look up. These skyscrappers are giants, friends with the clouds. How Does this make me feel? This definately changes the cultural surroundings of the place when compared to the older buildings that were lower and identify with the Vietnamese people. When questioning the secruity guards, these "homes" seem to be occupied by foreigners, Korean, Middle Easterns, Americans, Chinese, and very few Vietnamese people. Of course with $ 2000 a month rates, the higher and upper classes live here. And to add to their convenience, " The Garden" the most empty shopping space I have ever seen is no more than 5 minutes walk.














The market of the Vietnamese.

MY OPINION on Development

I acknowledge that development has its consequences. I also understand that development tends to extend western influences to a country whose identity, values, customs, and culture might not correlate. I understand the negative consequences on the environment and people’s traditional spaces. I have learned that there are more than the economic measures to identify the progression of a country. Based on the knowledge that I have acquired to this point, I relentlessly believe that development does in fact, lead to some sort of progression.
Development occurs through globalization. Vietnam’s government has reduced social programs in attempt to cut taxes to attract foreign investors. People’s health and other parts of the infrastructure have suffered as a consequence. Some people may think it creates a great disparity between incomes, widen the equality gap, and eliminate the Vietnamese identity. However, they did achieve what they set out to do at this present time. I am not saying that attempting to stabilize an economy on exports alone is a good future goal. In fact, diminishing returns is already occurring. The rate of growth in Vietnam has started to decline. Never the less, I believe that bringing Vietnam into the international market scene has led to a series of step that will eventually lead to development. Pollution and other sacrifices may never fully recover. However, the Vietnamese youth are learning in schools what they have never before learned. Market economy has allowed for private enterprises to compete. Furthermore, the Vietnamese economy will eventually attract investors and become stronger. Eventually, that will lead to a transition from export economy to a service economy. The Vietnamese people must first build a foundation financially stable enough to support the investment in human capital. The Vietnamese government works with developers to create the super cities that may benefit only the richest Vietnamese and foreigners. In return, they receive tax return, additional job opportunities for management and construction, and more foreign investor interest.
In the long term, I believe that all the mentioned element will increase the Vietnamese government budget and therefore, will increase the opportunities of social benefits that will ultimately reach the lower income people. Is it too radical to believe that Vietnam is in fact, is headed towards the development that Shanghai and other South East Asia countries have reached some time ago? But as I acknowledge some time ago, there is extensive research I have yet to do and many academic papers to read, people to talk to. Let’s see how my opinion changes over the course of these four months. Then, I question, if in fact, the advancement of this society benefits the very few people of the world and had abandoned the lower income people. Where do they go? And if that is the case. Development may be the lesser of two evils- because what is the other option…leave Vietnam for ALL POVERTY?

The " Full LIFE"

The definition of living a “full life” varies for each individual. I feel that doing what makes me most happy is what it means to live a “full life”. What inspires and what motivates me?
“ You can not live life, if you are looking for the meaning of life; I believe in the meaningless chaos of life” – Albert Camu.
Please do not misunderstand what philosophy I live by. It’s not that I have a negative out look towards life nor am I critical. It is not to say that life is meaningless. Rather, I believe that life has no ready made destiny or path to take. You should live life as it full fills your desire. The chaos, defined by everyday obstacles, hardships, inbalance, and surprises ultimately define your life. In other words, you define your own purpose in life. It is almost an extreme realist position. I, myself find enjoyment and happiness in things that encourage other’s happiness as well. If I can help make some body smile and had a positive influence in their lives, I am satisfied. In the end living a full life to me consists of many objectives and goals. Ultimately, there all lead to one desire of happiness. To pursue happiness is to ensure a full life. As unethical and immoral the following might sound… I digress. If someone like Adolph Hitler obtains happiness through immoral behaviors, is he then living a full life. Like I originally said, a full life has many definitions. He may think he is approaching his full life. He might think that to live a full life, he must make the german race superior, and eliminate all other races. Therefore, Hitler could have believe he lived a full life. The argument may not be sound. DISCLAIMER: It does not mean that I believe Hitler to be any better person than a Ruthless Son of a Bitch. It does not justify any of his actions. Neither does Hitler’s perspective regarding a full life identifies with my one. I love to feel excitement and I think that if my desire for adventures and traveling is satisfied than I can truly live a full life. I think one of my bigger goals in life is to be financially stable enough to support my family, especially to help my sisters out through college like how my parents helped me. I want to be financially stable to travel the world. I believe in breaking the bubble that society tends to confine you in. Living a full life means to break out of the bubble and learn about the culture. It means integrating yourself globally. I believe in the infinite possibility of knowledge. Knowing and learning is life’s best challenges and best contentment. In the next four months, I seek to learn the differences in Vietnam’s culture, government, and society from right after the Vietnam War to today. I want to learn to understand why people might not like development. I think that every day that I’m here in Vietnam, I break a certain characteristics formed from conformity. I learn to step outside my comfort zone and accept the challenges. After some whining and complaining, I realized that living within your comfort zone limits your intellect and your opinions. In the next years of my life, I plan to make some money. You might think I’m greedy and ugly. However, I believe that right now, I can make very little changes in the global problems I learn about. Bottom line , no matter how one views it, money is power. I want to work my way up the corporate ladder, so that I may be able to productively help people in the future. I am not ignorant of the problems that exist around me here in Vietnam. I can’t help but feel helpless. I guess I can compare this situation to the oxygen mask instructions on the airplane. You can not help others with their mask if you do not have one yourself. That being said, I don’t want to sound like a money hunter. I want to work for the marketing and financial aspect of sports management. I love sports. I want to be successful and ultimately, make my parents proud. My time line
Fall 2011- Being apart of a management team of a corporation while trying to intern for a sports team.
Fall 2015- Finishing my MBA and working for a sports team. I want to see myself traveling and establishing educational institutions in transitional countries like Vietnam. I want to integrate this educational institution idea through the corporation that I work for.
Fall 2020- Opening my own business, possibly start a family. POSSIBLY.
R.I.P. Grandpa Tran Van Nam . August 26, 2000.

Obituary

Oh, Mr. Alan Landers...
The man whose face advertised the tools to his very own murder.
His goal was to make money and work the system of Corporate America.
I chose this guy because it's pure irony.
To me, this guy made it to the very top of the system and yet he suffered a short life. What are the consequences of his occupation? Is it worth it?
He could very well be a model, but not a role model to me. If he had made the decision to smoke on his own, I might have thought it was fair. But because he pretty much blamed it on the pressures of being a model, I feel pity for him.
The fast track to fame might also be the fast track to the end.
My grandpa died from lung cancer and I know the risks.
He knew the risks. Everyone who holds a cig knows the risks.

The Autobiography

What do you write in an autobiography? What significant events can you choose to write about that you believe to shape who you are today? Do events and circumstances and situations define a part of you? What do you choose to write about? I don’t think I’m the next Britney Spears, nor am I worthy of superior recognition, so what events is important enough to be written about and to be read by others. Autobiographies are easier for people like Obama, for artists, for those who have a beautiful story to tell. My life story is unfinished and I believe it to have barely started. I think that’s one of the main reasons why I choose to travel, why I chose to challenge myself and go across the world to Vietnam. Often times, my biggest battle with myself is the fact that I have no purpose in my life. Sure, I attend a university. Sure, I’ve accomplished the standards that society has set. But what have I done? What have I dedicated my time to that meant something? I often wonder what makes a person a remarkable idol and what makes them normal, the average Joe?
There are many lessons that I have learned in life. Some, challenging, some, not so challenging. There are some lessons I am proud to learn, some I am not. Generally, as I get older I realize the difficulties of reality. I learned to see the negative side of life and many say that’s a part of growing up. Why, I can’t continue to live life and believe in fantasies and a dream world where everyone loves each other and they are good. Growing up, to me, is learning how to not fight the system but to assimilate and become a master of the system.
I choose to explain my life story in lessons that I have learned.
Lesson # 1
I am an American citizen because of one reason.
I am an American citizen because my parents risked their lives, choosing to abandon a nation where their rights and freedom were infringed and making the journey to America. Spending some time at a refugee camp in Malaysia , they were moved to Chicago, United States of America. This nation, blessed with miracles. My parents lived off of canned meat, church meals and clothes, and poverty. My dad hiked to school in snow up to his knees at night while working as a janitor in the day to accomplish a life that American promised. Together, mom and dad worked for years to save up and have me. This is the American Dream, right?
Lesson # 2
I am a Vietnamese American.
Growing up, I had to learn what it meant to be an American that wasn’t white. I remember pretending to be someone I wasn’t. The younger I was, the more the Asian race was looked down upon. I wanted to wear blue contacts lens. I wanted blonde hair. I wanted to blend in with everyone else. Yup… why don’t we call this dilemna, the identity issue. I was angry that I had to speak Vietnamese at home, when I couldn’t master English the way my friends could. How glad I am that my father did what he did. I am so glad that I can speak the language as broken as it may be.
Lesson # 3
I am a Vietnamese American and I want to be accepted.
Middle school years was all about being accepted. I wanted to be popular and cool. I switched from playing the flute to be apart of a dance team because that was what made me popular. I reminisce about the purity at the age I still had because pretty soon, I would enter high school. I remembered the attitude I would give my mother as she asked how my day at school was. I remembered being a typical teen that was embarrassed of their parents and of their background. As far as I was concerned, my background was just not cool enough. Of course, I find out that my background was not only cool enough, it shaped who I was. My background told of a story of people who fought for the very freedom I had for free. My parents were heroes to not only me, but to the sacred Vietnamese people.
Lesson # 4
I am a Vietnamese American and I am curious.
High school was the curious stage for me. All I was into was experimenting and satisfying my curiosity. I tried surfing. I played waterpolo and did varsity swimming for four years. I was president of my class for a couple of years. I was working part time jobs since I was 15. I considered my home to be restrictive and thus, did everything to spend the most time away. Now I look back and I miss that time. I miss family dinners that I felt that I was forced to go to. Activities were not the only things I tried, I tried all the drugs that I was curious about. Thank god I never tried them again. I don’t really like them, I figured. Senior year, I find out that I got turned down to all the universities I applied to; UCLA, UC Berkley, UC San Diego, and USC. I had a 4.2 GPA, top 10 % , activities galore, leadership skills. 1800 SAT 32 ACT. From this point, I downgraded. I downgraded from being a student, from being interested. I sulk myself into partying and drinking and not attending classes. This continued at the university I was guaranteed admission to. UC Santa Barbara. Freshmen year, I was still in this angry mentality. I fucking worked my fucking ass off and got nothing in return. Fuck this system. So there I was , at the end of my first year of college with a 2.1 GPA. And then I started to question myself… who am I? Am I a person who fails? What do I want to do with my life?
Lesson # 5
And then I started.
And then I started to grow up. I started to get my act together and set up new goals. I know I want to get my masters in business administration. I want to be apart of the sports world marketing team. Eventually, I want to earn money and open my own business. But this is not just about me. My parents are getting old and their health is declining. I have not only them to return the favor, but my two younger sisters. I tried to figure out what was my ultimate goal… what was my passion. I want to travel. And so I traveled.
Lesson # 6
I traveled through Eastern Europe and then to Vietnam.
I struggled to get my life back on track my sophomore year. I got a job and started taking school seriously. How amazing your grades got when you start to study and go to class. I needed to meet the GPA requirement to go to Vietam. At this point, I felt ashamed that I failed my freshmen year. Ashamed.
I wanted to see Europe. This summer me and my boyfriend backpacked. There was no luxurious hotels and no fantastic upscale dinner but there was me , him, and a different culture in different countries to experience. And here, I learned one of the most important lessons. I learned what traveling does to a person. How it broadens ones minds. How it changes certain perspectives on things.
Lessons # 7
And then I was Alone in a Third World Country.
I hated Vietnam. I hated everything about it. Here I was in the country of my mother tongue and I could not understand anything , nor was I accepted. I am a foreigner.
Here, I hope to answer
1. what Is communism?
2. How has it changed since the 1960
3. What has the market economy transitioned into the country?
4. How is the way of life for the Vietnamese changing and migrating?
5. Who the fuck I am?
6. Can I still be me without my boyfriend?

Dropping Kids Off At the Pool

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I wonder how this works.
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